Well, with gin & tonics in hand, we took up our seats for tonight’s hogwatch. Out came our hedgehog and ate the usual offerings and drank some water. Then to our surprise another bigger hog came into the garden and proceeded to circle ours. Our hog made very loud snorting sounds and kept her tail end away from the circling visitor. The noise was quite shocking but there was no aggression between them. Eventually Randy Hog gave up and helped himself to the free insect & biscuit buffet. Then after a while he returned to circling and the asthmatic snorting continued. We decided that this was going to be quite a drawn out affair so we left them to it. Well with this prickly passion going on in out back garden one thing’s for sure, both of them are going to have quite a few pricks tonight! June 29th 2018 12:14 am
Well back on the decking listening to our noisy Pornohogs! This is brilliant our backyard has become a dogging site for every filthy local hedgehog! Every night they’re turning up for a buffet & bonk yet they show no gratitude at all damn them! June 30th 2018 11:31 pm
Now here’s a thing, has anyone had the pleasure of travelling on our local train to Exeter during a school holiday? 08:40 train departs with hardly any space on board although we did actually have a seat each, what a turn up for the books. Now coming back at 15:20 from Exeter Central. The train arrives with just two coaches and the station looks like a Burma Railway in the monsoon. The doors opens to an already packed train. Buggies n people all cram into the door just to get a seat. People trying to get off saying, ‘EXCUSE ME IS THERE ANY CHANCE OF GETTING OFF!’ Eventually they get off and we get on. The carriage is cram-packed and we have to stand up. We arrive at Exeter St Davids and there is about the same amount of people waiting to get on as there is on this pitifully inadequate service. The conductor shouts in and says most will have to get off and make there way to a string of knackered coaches, which will splutter their way to Barnstaple. ETA 18:00. Luckily we manage to stay on. On the way back there is a woman who insists on complaining about all of us standing, saying we all should have been made to get off, piss off you selfish old bag! Another woman with two children are in a bay of four seats and won’t let an elderly lady sit down, just because she feels uncomfortable. I sort the problem out, but if you use PUBLIC TRANSPORT then you, at some point, will have to sit beside someone you don’t know! If you don’t like your fellow man then drive a car to Exeter or just jump off a f..king railway bridge! I would like to say that this is a one off. But it bloody isn’t! On a regular basis I take the train for the Friday or Saturday shopping only to have a pathetically inadequate number of coaches available. All i’m saying is it isn’t rocket science to actually get the ratio of customers to coaches right. Again it’s the bloody service staff shrugging their shoulders and raising their eyebrows, saying you need to complain to the central offices who have no direct line and are incompetent anonymous idiots! Oh and to cap it all the toilet was full of crap from the half term Costa Coffee Kids and someone had rancid perfume on. Quite enjoyed the trip though. October 28th 2015 7:03 pm
Been to Exeter today on the train shopping. I went into Hollister and purchased some rather natty looking shorts. There policy If you’re a stinking minger they won’t get employed. Here the sales assistants there were toooo good looking. I was ushered to a changing room by a young, tanned, thin, beautiful girl who easily could have been a model. Even though it’s as dark as a nightclub in there next time I go I’ll wear a bag over my head! For them it must have been like selling an incontinent pensioner a bloody luminous lime green mankini! August 19th 2013 8:00 pm
Well it’s rained all day in Exeter. When I say rain, what I really mean is that the whole of the Atlantic Ocean dropped on sodding Exeter today. I know what we’ll do children why don’t we visit our favourite shops. Wrong! They’re closed. I know let’s spend some time in the RAMM. Wrong! It’s closed on Mondays, even though it’s the summer holidays. Out side were loads of drenched families thinking WTF! WTF! Even their 2 year olds in pushchairs were spitting out their dummies and shouting WTF! Time to leave on the train. Thankfully we’re first on and as usual only two carriages for 3.000 holiday shoppers. Some are sitting on the roof the rest are being ferried back to Barnie in a steam powered charabanc! Oh on leaving Exeter Central I had a quick wee and now have the rancid tang of odourcolon in my nostrils! Believe me that’s quite upsetting when you have a nose the size of mine! 😁 Even with the hassles a 9/10 day! August 1st 2016 3:41 pm
And another thing … I decided that my twinz and I would go for a swim this afternoon. We all got ready in about two hours and drove over to the Leisure Centre looking forward to our dip in their overly chlorinated water. We arrived and were met by an extraordinarily chirpy chap in 70s style shorts. He smiled and sang hey great afternoon guys! Is there swimming this afternoon we asked? ‘Yes’, he said, ‘There’s no lane swimming because of waterpolo but there is shallow water for the next twenty minutes then there’s a private birthday party with floats in the water then the shallow area will be closed to the public.’ What he should have said is, NO we have no swimming piss off. We visited my mother and chatted for a while and then thought there’s Northam Pool. I didn’t have my iPhone so we consulted the Yellow Rages! Swimming Pools…see page 150, but we are on page 150. Swimbridge, Swimming Pool cleaners? Perhaps Northam Leisure Centre?…no not listed. Perhaps Fitness?…yes fitness see page 150 swimming pools. How about Leisure Centres?…no. How about gyms?…no. Oh business directory perhaps? Yes the ND Leisure Centre is there but the bloody Waterpoloers are there aren’t they. I know forget the Yellow Rages lets just drive down to Northam then! We arrive behind two women booking spa spots for themselves. The trouble is they can’t really make up their minds when they want to be there or even if they can be bothered to be arsed at all. By the time they’d sorted themselves out there was a queue all the way back down into Appledore and the people at the back were buying Hocking’s Ice Creams. Anyway fifteen minutes later, ‘Hello sir can I help you?’ We reply that we would like to perhaps swim. Yes they say for the next half an hour then unfortunately the pool is closing…yes for f..king waterpoloers! Well we just left and decided to go back to Sainsbury’s get some essentials then return home with our floats between our legs. We arrive at Sainsbury’s to find the security on the door. Sorry we’re closing in ten minutes sir……………….waterpolo shoppers are coming in!
Liar Liar rants on fire! 