And a final thing; the galactic year is 5045 and a grey dusty space ship enters a long-forgotten planet’s orbit. On the side of the ship the blue words read Archaeological Craft 12-67Z. They are searching for evidence of ancient world leader hairstylists.
A small craft leaves the ship and ventures down to the planet’s surface. As they descend small areas of blue and green can be seen through the acrid green smog. They soon land and the lead suited occupants leave to find archaeological specimens. Very soon they find a crude kind of electrical communication device and its co-ordinates noted on their holographic data sheets.
Once back on board they plug the device in to see immediately a couple in jogging bottoms at the zoo. They’re busy drinking and as their child comes up they give it the device like some sort of child’s pacifier. Next they see a baby giraffe and they lose the picture to a brilliant white light. Their captain informs them that this planet was once occupied but sadly a nuclear war wiped out all of its isolated inhabitants. Apparently this confrontation was compounded by a short Russian leader who was fearful that he was about to be outed as Gay. He decide, quite logically, to take the Blackadder Bob Scenario to the letter. Three other paths are open to you. Three cunning plans to cure thy ailment Mr Putin.
Putin: Ah, good.
Wise Woman: The first is simple – kill the boy!
Putin: Never!
Wise Woman: Then try the second – kill yourself.
Putin: Hmm… And the third?
Wise Woman: The third is to ensure that no one else ever knows.
Putin: Ah, that sounds more like it! How?
Wise Woman: Kill everybody in the whole world!

They smile sympathetically and place the device into a box labelled Earth 67Z1. ‘Now what’s for dinner’, they said, ‘today’s been quite uneventful.’
April 15th 2017 6:39 pm