May 4th 2017 10:46 pm

Another thing Masterchef!
Octopus; everyone’s favourite these days? Yeah right, I love the odd cephalopod mollusc with fried eggs in the morning for brekkie. Just love all those legs and suckers. Oh, and a mushroom fungal ant excrement jus to enhance its aquatic subtleties?
Pan fried osprey spleens in goldfinch spiced urine drizzled over a CO2 frozen deadly nightshade salad as a starter seemed a little passé and predictable.
The main was chameleon testicles opened as flowers and presented on a bed of badger ovaries looked tempting but the emulsion of freshwater dolphin sperm seemed a little bland and sticky.
The winner was the last course, chocolatt de skunk faeces on a wafer of dried hornets drizzled with 2.8cc of gestating woodlice sweat was a complete winner.
No No No go to Wetherspoon’s and eat some proper grub at a proper price you pretentious culinary dicks! Eat posh nosh and five gives you ten that you pop into Ali’s Alcove on the way home to make sure that your empty tummies are full, even though your snobby stuck up wallets are completely empty.