Odd thing, this morning I decided to have a lie in as I was on a late shift. Nine o’clock I eventually came too and thought, mmm it’s a little cold yet the central heating’s on? As I clambered down the stairs I noticed that the front door was wide open and so too the garden gate; bloody Archie had left for school in a hurry. I closed the door and decided to make an espresso. Out of our middle room a dog, which is not ours as we have no dog, walked out into the hall and looked at me. It was as if it was saying, ‘Hi where’s my daily bowl of bland canine boredom?’ I ushered the dog to the front door and out into the street, no owner no dog pound van! I returned to the kitchen and my espresso expecting to see a meerkat jockey ride past on a zebra or giraffe. Something similar to an old surreal Twin Peaks episode. I then realised that perhaps I should put some clothes on. Help me I’m going f’king bonkers!  December 7th 2017 11:23 pm