Well I think I’ll just book some tickets for a classic band at a local venue. I go onto the website and select the band, then the date and I’m directed to the seat selection! I select the best seats in the house as I’m an early booker so the cream of rock is mine. I’ll be drenched in the saliva of a real Rock Star soon enough.
I start the payment and the site asks please log in your details, I enter my details and the website says NO! Apparently either my email or password is incorrect! I check my list of email/password files and I’m certainly not wrong; I’ve entered the correct bloody information. I try various variations, in fact 76 but the website still says NO! I then enter the dreaded button. Click here if you’ve forgotten your password you thick, senile old duffer! I do this with trepidation and get the reply, we’ve sent you a link to reset your password to your recovery email address!
I log into my usual email page but it says error please enter correct details! Again I try at least 23 attempts then look at my email/password files and I’m certainly not wrong; I’ve entered the correct bloody information. I have to bite the bullet and click the link that says, forgotten your password you dumb, waste of breath, click here to reset your password. I do as I’m asked and the link replies, a link has been sent to your phone!
I check my phone no reply or link! I try twice more, no answer! I then realise that this email is linked to a Nokia 3210 I owned at the turn of the centuary! OMG; they’ve contacted the dead! I return to the link then through various menus and sub menus and crypto-menus and psuedo-menus manage to create a new link to my iPhone.
I return and yet again, bite the familiar bullet and click the link that says, forgotten your password you senile senior citizen that still has a Nokia 3210 as a sodding phone number just die you wrinkly bag of elbow skin!
I enter the previous details and ker-ping the link appears on my iPhone. I renew my password and log out! I then receive the link from the original venue, I log in and boom my details are there. I go through the well let’s just book some tickets for a classic band at a local venue. I select the band, then the date and am directed to the seat selection! I select the best seats in the house as I’m an early booker so the cream of rock is mine. I’ll be drenched in the saliva of a real Rock Star soon enough. With a trembling hand I press go!

The page freezes!

I refresh the site and return through the email/password passage and notice my seats are booked. I return to my email site and sure enough front row seats are mine. They’re also still wet with the sweat & saliva of past Rock Stars!
With a growing confidence I print off my tickets, no Blue Tooth link, I renew the connection through my laptop, still no Blue Tooth link. I reflect and realise that there has never been a reliable Blue Tooth link ever anywhere on planet earth! I then discover through seeing a ghostly image on a piece of A4 paper that I’ve no printing ink. I renew the ink and print them off! There they are my tickets ­­­­sent all the way from 1999 through a Nokia 3210 via a canary yellow Ethernet Cable!
I then think, I’ll re-log into the venue website just to confirm and set my mind at rest. I enter my email then password and press click! The website says NO! Please enter the correct email/password details, I do so and I’m certainly not wrong! I then enter the dreaded click here if you’ve forgotten your password. The reply, a link has been sent to your Nokia 3210 back in 1999 and by the way your Rock Star has still not decided to pick up the guitar and learn it yet, so think again you completely useless, wrinkly, smeg ridden piece of skin around the tip of a penis! Next time just pop into the Queens Theatre with the other Geriatric Zimmer Dancers and do it in person! Regards Landmark Theatre!
A foot note this scenario. This happens once every two months at my place of work just to access my elearning and emails!
Also why do they want me to log in? Surely I can pay direct using my address and credit card details. What they want is your email so they can bog you down with advertising every hour of the day! They’ll even sell your emails to everyone else. I log in and I’ve already received 1.000.000 useless adverts!

Suddenly there is a large bang and a wall behind me is covered with an impact of bloody cerebral tissue!
January 17th 2020 23:09 pm