January 15th 2017 3:41 pm

And another thing … I decided that my twinz and I would go for a swim this afternoon. We all got ready in about two hours and drove over to the Leisure Centre looking forward to our dip in their overly chlorinated water. We arrived and were met by an extraordinarily chirpy chap in 70s style shorts. He smiled and sang hey great afternoon guys!
Is there swimming this afternoon we asked? ‘Yes’, he said, ‘There’s no lane swimming because of waterpolo but there is shallow water for the next twenty minutes then there’s a private birthday party with floats in the water then the shallow area will be closed to the public.’ What he should have said is, NO we have no swimming piss off.
We visited my mother and chatted for a while and then thought there’s Northam Pool. I didn’t have my iPhone so we consulted the Yellow Rages! Swimming Pools…see page 150, but we are on page 150. Swimbridge, Swimming Pool cleaners? Perhaps Northam Leisure Centre?…no not listed. Perhaps Fitness?…yes fitness see page 150 swimming pools. How about Leisure Centres?…no. How about gyms?…no. Oh business directory perhaps? Yes the ND Leisure Centre is there but the bloody Waterpoloers are there aren’t they. I know forget the Yellow Rages lets just drive down to Northam then!
We arrive behind two women booking spa spots for themselves. The trouble is they can’t really make up their minds when they want to be there or even if they can be bothered to be arsed at all. By the time they’d sorted themselves out there was a queue all the way back down into Appledore and the people at the back were buying Hocking’s Ice Creams. Anyway fifteen minutes later, ‘Hello sir can I help you?’ We reply that we would like to perhaps swim. Yes they say for the next half an hour then unfortunately the pool is closing…yes for f..king waterpoloers!
Well we just left and decided to go back to Sainsbury’s get some essentials then return home with our floats between our legs. We arrive at Sainsbury’s to find the security on the door. Sorry we’re closing in ten minutes sir……………….waterpolo shoppers are coming in!