I was Having a drink at Starfucks coffee shop in Exeter when on leaving I decided to have a quick wee as the cold air would surely shrink my kidneys. I queued as there was only one toilet available and chatted nervously to a stunningly beautiful girl, so blonde and so unattainable. I felt like an old decrepit hermit as I chatted to her and could see in her eye that she had already clocked me as an ageing sex-pest! Finally it was her turn for the bog. Miss World was in there for ages and finally she came out rather hastily, made NO eye contact and left like an escaping bank robber. I entered the toilet to be met with a bowl full of chocolate scatt and the smell of Beelzebubs backside! I gagged, peed and of course, Sod’s Law, the flush had broken. After washing my hands I dried them under a blower less powerful than a dying man’s last breath and exited. I was immediately met by two startled women on crutches who retched, gagged and almost toppled over. I didn’t make eye contact but said apologetically, ‘All I had was a wee, honest!’ Damn Miss World and damn her rancid ass! As a footnote I did see these two ladies later chatting to a Police Support Officer who was avidly taking crap notes. For the rest of the day I had to dart between dark doorways to keep from being falsely arrested for running defecation violations!
Now here’s a thing, has anyone had the pleasure of travelling on our local train to Exeter during a school holiday? 08:40 train departs with hardly any space on board although we did actually have a seat each, what a turn up for the books. Now coming back at 15:20 from Exeter Central. The train arrives with just two coaches and the station looks like a Burma Railway in the monsoon. The doors opens to an already packed train. Buggies n people all cram into the door just to get a seat. People trying to get off saying, ‘EXCUSE ME IS THERE ANY CHANCE OF GETTING OFF!’ Eventually they get off and we get on. The carriage is cram-packed and we have to stand up. We arrive at Exeter St Davids and there is about the same amount of people waiting to get on as there is on this pitifully inadequate service. The conductor shouts in and says most will have to get off and make there way to a string of knackered coaches, which will splutter their way to Barnstaple. ETA 18:00. Luckily we manage to stay on. On the way back there is a woman who insists on complaining about all of us standing, saying we all should have been made to get off, piss off you selfish old bag! Another woman with two children are in a bay of four seats and won’t let an elderly lady sit down, just because she feels uncomfortable. I sort the problem out, but if you use PUBLIC TRANSPORT then you, at some point, will have to sit beside someone you don’t know! If you don’t like your fellow man then drive a car to Exeter or just jump off a f..king railway bridge! I would like to say that this is a one off. But it bloody isn’t! On a regular basis I take the train for the Friday or Saturday shopping only to have a pathetically inadequate number of coaches available. All i’m saying is it isn’t rocket science to actually get the ratio of customers to coaches right. Again it’s the bloody service staff shrugging their shoulders and raising their eyebrows, saying you need to complain to the central offices who have no direct line and are incompetent anonymous idiots! Oh and to cap it all the toilet was full of crap from the half term Costa Coffee Kids and someone had rancid perfume on. Quite enjoyed the trip though. October 28th 2015 7:03 pm
Been to Exeter today on the train shopping. I went into Hollister and purchased some rather natty looking shorts. There policy If you’re a stinking minger they won’t get employed. Here the sales assistants there were toooo good looking. I was ushered to a changing room by a young, tanned, thin, beautiful girl who easily could have been a model. Even though it’s as dark as a nightclub in there next time I go I’ll wear a bag over my head! For them it must have been like selling an incontinent pensioner a bloody luminous lime green mankini! August 19th 2013 8:00 pm
Well it’s rained all day in Exeter. When I say rain, what I really mean is that the whole of the Atlantic Ocean dropped on sodding Exeter today. I know what we’ll do children why don’t we visit our favourite shops. Wrong! They’re closed. I know let’s spend some time in the RAMM. Wrong! It’s closed on Mondays, even though it’s the summer holidays. Out side were loads of drenched families thinking WTF! WTF! Even their 2 year olds in pushchairs were spitting out their dummies and shouting WTF! Time to leave on the train. Thankfully we’re first on and as usual only two carriages for 3.000 holiday shoppers. Some are sitting on the roof the rest are being ferried back to Barnie in a steam powered charabanc! Oh on leaving Exeter Central I had a quick wee and now have the rancid tang of odourcolon in my nostrils! Believe me that’s quite upsetting when you have a nose the size of mine! 😁 Even with the hassles a 9/10 day! August 1st 2016 3:41 pm
Liar Liar rants on fire! 