October 12th 2017 8:26 pm
Last weekend I nervously entered my local temple to couch potatoism and teenage acne called CeX, pronounced SEX. I went to this cut price establishment to peruse and thumb through their cheap and pre-viewed DVDs hoping to find South Pacific or My Fair Lady.
Once across the skull printed threshold I came across a queue of wide eyed parents reluctantly grasping computer games trying to keep their fat unsociable children from selfishly imploding. The music bad been cleverly chosen by the body pierced and tattooed shop staff to enhance the utter misery of said parents. This beat music had been produced by with-it combos currently popular in the hit parade; their songs being so heavy that it made System Of A Down, SOAD to their fans, sound like Max Bygraves singing Pack Of Cards on the Val Doonican Show. I’m not too sure what the song was but it sounded as if someone had turned their Marshall amp up to eleven and kicked the shit out of a Les Paul whilst growling into a malfunctioning mic. In fact just like a banshee with a recycling bin on his head. As this noise of thrash death metal permeated the shop I tried to peruse the DVDs, eventually my ears and nose began to bleed so much that in fear of an impending blood transfusion I decided to leave.
Exiting I noticed that two parents had died of terminal despair, their bodies were left where they lay by their children who were now continuing with the purchase of the latest Grand Theft Autopsy. On leaving I said to one five-year-old, ‘Isn’t computer games ruining your life sonny?’
He replied with a smile, ‘I’m not worried I’ve got another two lives left mate!’
I asked another kid why don’t you go outside and play?
She replied, ‘I did once but the graphics were rubbish so I went back inside!’ CeX eh!
Liar Liar rants on fire! 